A long time ago, a teacher who is dear to my heart said, “First, you go very, very slowly. And then you go fast!”
What she meant by that is this: when we are in a calm state, connected inwardly and upwardly, it is a very slow internal place. One could almost say it’s timeless. The rose of the moment buds, softly opens, releases it’s fragrance… and then the next moment, the next bud arises.
When we pay attention and allow ourselves to live in that very slow, calm, fluid inner place, it is truly astonishing how fast the outer world begins to move. Begins to shape around us according to who and what we are in that moment.
Many years ago, I lived in NYC. I was dancing! Dancing to my heart’s content, and loving it. It was my first apartment alone and I was in a new and unfamiliar place — The City! So much to do and see! So much to take in! And yet, I was suffering terrible asthma and taking pretty hard core RX meds to breathe.
I began to work with a gifted allergist on the Upper East Side, and (no surprise) she discovered I was allergic to everything under the sun. I think the only foods I wasn’t allergic to were bananas and potatoes.
Not exactly a diet to dance on!
One day, as I was reflecting on this, it came to me that I perhaps I couldn’t digest my food properly because I couldn’t digest my life properly.
I didn’t honestly know what that meant at the time, but I began to experiment. I started paying close attention to my world, to my interactions with others, to how I was really feeling inside. And I discovered such a simple but profound thing:
I wasn’t giving myself time to make good decisions.
I was rushing forward and participating in everything, without tending to myself inside. On the one hand, it’s understandable. I was new to the city and loving the wide palette of opportunities to indulge my creative spirit! But the truth is that I was over-riding my inner intelligence and following my brain instead of my spirit.
I began to take messages instead of picking up the phone, or when my friends called, saying, “Let’s go out tonight and see that new show/opening/concert!” I’d respond, “Maybe. Maybe I will come. I’ll call you back in ten minutes.” And then I literally sat down and felt each one out. Such a simple somatic touch stone! And in doing it, I discovered that more times than not, I wanted to stay in and read, go to bed early, or write in my journal.
This seemlingly simple “dropping in” is something we so often can’t or don’t allow ourselves. The outer world’s expectations press in upon us. We must go to work. We must get dinner on the table. We must make sure the children are tended. So many outer “must’s and should’s” can take over our minds that we stop listening to the still, quiet voice underneath all the noise.
And then what?
The noise takes us like a wild river overunning its banks. We become outwardly focused — what’s called in psychological circles “an external locus of control.” We look in at ourselves, partially dissociated, the starving pauper in front of the bakery showcase, and we imagine what this person or that person sees when they perceive us because we have long ago stopped perceiving ourselves.
We have stopped listening to our own inner voice.
Stopped acting in our own best interests.
Stopped caring for ourselves.
And from that disconnected place, the mind jumps in like Superman to save the day. It takes over and decides a course of action based upon the must’s and should’s of the outer world — or more accurately — our projection of the outer world. Our perception of what we think is right and correct instead of acting upon what we deeply, authentically know to be right and correct.
In this way, our actions may appear on target. They may be appear to be in alignment with what is true and authentic. But sadly, it has become a hollow show. We have succeeded in fooling ourselves so completely that we no longer even recognize that we are acting instead of being.
This deep severing of our authenticity has us choosing to to put our own spirit out of the house — and then adopting their search engine’s suggestions to live by. It may sound funny or strange, but how many people do you know who jump from one healing modality to the next? One life coach to the next. One idea of how to live to the next, based upon a book they just read? How many people do you know who sound right, but are clearly… lost?
Many of us adopted this kind of survival strategy to make it through our childhoods, but since then haven’t stopped to catch our breath. To recognize the emotional trauma steering the bus. We’ve become so entangled in belief systems and conditioning that we are well and truly lost to our authentic being — and worse, we may not even be aware of the depth or true cost of it.
Perhaps we really can take a moment to spend some quiet time with ourselves. To take a small step towards letting down, towards listening again.
For some this may look like writing in a journal. For others it may look like tending the flowers in the garden. For Etty Hillesum, that great artistic soul from the late 1930’s who, while incarcerated in a Nazi concentration camp, claimed, “Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”
No matter where you are, or what hectic outer circumstances are pressing in upon you, might you try resting into the deep ground of being between two breaths? Might you try to rediscover the natural rhythm of a rose opening in the morning sunlight, and ask yourself how your body feels in witnessing such a delight? How you might entrain with the wisdom in that profound natural rhythm?
All of this may sound so simple. So easy. So obvious. And yet, often times, simple is not easy. Often times, the simplest things elude us because they are simple, and we have become a wasp nest of complexity.
How can we find a way back to ourselves?
How can we shed the emotional trauma that has been driving the bus for so long? How can we finally step out of the past and into the present moment? Out of the overheated mind and back into the wide, cool steam of spirit?
All those years ago, the more I slowed down internally and listened to myself for real — and then took honest action based on that — the more interesting my little experiment of checking in with myself became.
Over a short period of time, I began to feel clearer and stronger inside. And at the same time, in my external world, life sped up to an unprecedented rate. I began to attract better dancing roles. I began to perform better, to dig deeper into a more authentic emotional expression through my movement.
And then my life took an unexpected turn on two wheels.
Because I was dancing so much, I decided one spring day that I was tired and it was time to take a break. I got on a plane to Peru to unwind and get out of the city for a bit, and while sitting on top of Machu Picchu, I realized in no uncertain terms, that I was to leave NY and move to Albuquerque.
Not at all what I was expecting! I’d never been to New Mexico before and didn’t know anyone there. Yet I knew this was my next step, and that it was completely right for me. How did I know?
I heard my spirit. And I followed it.
I gave away all my winter clothes and got on a train cross country with nothing but my duffel bag and a huge curiosity about what would unfold amidst the sagebrush and Sandias.
And the next time I saw my allergist six months after that first diagnosis?
No food allergies.
What a great outcome to this experiment! Yet when I have shared this story with others, the question often comes: How did you slow down internally? What does that even mean: “to hear your spirit?” And how can I do that too?
Deepening into Spirit
The most profound path I have discovered to deepen into spirit is through The Trivedi Effect. The Trivedi Effect is potent Life Force Energy which is harnessed from nature and transmitted directly to you. Verified in thousands of research experiments and published in hundreds of peer reviewed science journals, the impact of this miraculous energy is that it can bring deeper, more satisfying sleep, so that we can begin to rejuvenate. It can bring calm to a mind storming with fear and anxiety about the future. It can begin to unravel, dissipate, and dissolve emotional trauma from the past so that once again we can begin to look forward — and move forward — in our lives again instead of trying to drag the heavy weight of the past. Most importantly though, this Energy acts like a satellite system, connecting you more deeply to your Source, by whatever name or form or tradition. And the outcome is not only better overall health and wellbeing, less fear or anxiety about the future or depression about the past — the real power of this Energy is that it can give you a deeper connection to The Divine, a deeper connection to your own inner GPS system: your spirit.